Humorisq

    5 INK 9: PAPER 0: BORDER 0: CLS 
   10 FLASH 1: PRINT "LOADING": PAUSE 90: FLASH 0: LOAD "HR"SCREEN$ 
   15 LET G=0: LET C=0
   20 LET A=VAL ".05": FOR B=VAL "0" TO VAL "50" STEP VAL "5": BEEP A,B: NEXT B
   25 POKE VAL "23658",VAL "8": FLASH VAL "1": PRINT AT VAL "7",VAL "8"; INK VAL "6"; PAPER 0;" YOUR CAPS HAVE ";AT VAL "11",VAL "8";" BEEN TURNED ON "
   30 INK 9: PAUSE 200: FLASH 0: CLS : PRINT ''"THE OBJECT OF THIS QUIZ IS  TO  RESPOND TO THE LAST NAME OF A   COMEDIAN WITH  THE RIGHT FIRST  NAME.";''"THESE ARE COMEDIANS FROM VAUDE- VILLE, RADIO, MOVIES, & TV.";''"SOME ARE LEGENDS; SOME ARE      COMEDIANS COURTESY OF SITUATION COMEDY--THEY'VE NEVER RAISED A  LAUGH WITHOUT A GOOD SCRIPT."
   32 PRINT ''"IF YOU HAVE A PHENOMENAL MEMORY,THIS IS THE QUIZ FOR YOU."
   33 INPUT "# YOU ARE GAME FOR?(MULTIPLES OF10 ONLY;MAX=100)";M
   34 CLS : LET M=10*INT (M/10)
   35 FOR T=1 TO M
   40 READ A$
   50 PRINT AT 2,2;A$;: INPUT "FIRST NAME? ";C$
   51 PRINT ", ";C$
   53 READ B$
   54 LET A=.005: FOR B=0 TO 50 STEP 5: BEEP A,B: NEXT B
   55 PRINT AT 10,10; INK 6; INVERSE 1;B$: PAUSE 90: IF B$<>C$ THEN PRINT ; INVERSE 0;''"YOU GOOFED": BEEP 1,-35: LET G=G+1: PAUSE 60: CLS : NEXT T
   60 LET C=C+1
   76 CLS : NEXT T
   80 GO SUB 8000
   90 INPUT "TRY AGAIN? Y/N?";R$: IF R$="" THEN GO TO 90
   91 IF R$="Y" THEN LET Q=T*10+1000-10: RESTORE Q: GO TO 33
   95 GO SUB 9991
  100 STOP 
 1000 DATA "ABBOTT","BUD","ADAMS","JOEY","ALDA","ALAN","ALLEN","WOODY","ARDEN","EVE","BALL","LUCILLE","BENNY","JACK","BERLE","MILTON","BERMAN","SHELLEY","BISHOP","JOEY"
 1100 DATA "BRACKEN","EDDIE","BRENNER","DAVID","BROOKS","MEL","BRUCE", "LENNY","BURNETT","CAROL","BURNS","GEORGE","CAESAR","SID","CAMBRIDGE","GODFREY","CANTOR","EDDIE","CARNEY","ART"
 1200 DATA "CARROLL","PAT","CARTER","NELL","CHAPLIN","CHARLIE","CHASE","CHEVY","COCA","IMOGENE","COHEN","MYRON","COLONNA","JERRY","COX","WALLY","CONWAY","TIM","COSBY","BILL"
 1300 DATA "COSTELLO","LOU","DANGERFIELD","RODNEY","DAVIS","JOAN","DELUISE","DOM","DILLER","PHYLLIS","DURANTE","JIMMY","EDEN","BARBARA","ERWIN","STUART","EWELL","TOM","FETCHIT","STEPIN"
 1400 DATA "FIELDS","TOTIE","FONTAINE","FRANK","GINGOLD","HERMIONE","GLEASON","JACKIE","GOBEL","GEORGE","GRIFFIN","ANDY","HACKETT","BUDDY","HALEY","JACK","HARDY","OLIVER","HAWN","GOLDIE"
 1500 DATA "HERBERT","HUGH","HOPE","BOB","INGELS","MARTY","KAPLAN","GABE","KEATON","BUSTER","KELLY","PATSY","KING","ALAN","KLEIN","ROBERT","KNOTTS","DON","KORMAN","HARVEY"
 1600 DATA "LAHR","BERT","LANGDON","HARRY","LAUREL","STAN","LAWRENCE","VICKI","LESTER","JERRY","LEWIS","JERRY","LITTLE","RICH","LLOYD","HAROLD","LYNDE","PAUL","MARTIN","STEVE"
 1700 DATA "MASON","JACKIE","MEARA","ANNE","MORGAN","HENRY","NABORS","JIM","NEWHART","BOB","OAKIE","JACK","O'CONNOR","CARROLL","OLSEN","OLE","PITTS","ZASU"
 1800 DATA "PRYOR","RICHARD","RAYE","MARTHA","RICKLES","DON","RIVERS","JOAN","ROWAN","DAN","RUSSELL","NIPSEY","SAHL","MORT","SELLERS","PETER","SILVERS","PHIL","SKELTON","RED"
 1900 DATA "STANG","ARNOLD","STORCH","LARRY","SUMMERVILLE","SLIM","TOMLIN","LILY","TURPIN","BEN","WALKER","NANCY","WILSON","FLIP","WINTERS","JONATHAN","WORLEY","JO ANNE","YOUNGMAN","HENNY"
 1905 RESTORE 1000
 8000 REM SCORING HERE
 8005 LET GRADE=100-(100/T*G)
 8010 CLS : PRINT "YOUR ACHIEVEMENT IS ";GRADE;" %"
 8015 IF GRADE>=80 THEN PRINT ''"SERIOUSLY,";'"YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME; QUIT  YOUR JOB & FLY TO COAST FOR BIG BUCKS ON QUIZ SHOWS.": GO TO 90
 8020 IF GRADE>=70 THEN PRINT ''"YOU'RE GIFTED; THESE COMEDIANS' CAREERS SPANNED FOUR GENERATIONS& SEVEN DECADES.": GO TO 90
 8025 IF GRADE>=60 THEN PRINT ''"VERY GOOD; YOU OBVIOUSLY ENJOY  HUMOR. QUITE A QUIPPER YOURSELF?": GO TO 90
 8030 IF GRADE>=50 THEN PRINT ''"YOU'RE SHARP-WITTED YOURSELF.": GO TO 90
 8035 IF GRADE<50 THEN PRINT ''"YOU HAVE A GREAT FUTURE AS A TV EVANGELIST; YOUR HUMOR IS VERY  SUBTLE.": GO TO 90
 9991 CLS : PRINT "IF YOU SAID--STEVE ALLEN, FRED  ALLEN, W. C. FIELDS--YOU GOT THEOLE FOGHORN."
 9992 INK 9: PRINT '"THE INFLEXIBILITY OF COMPUTERS  SCARES EDUCATORS; WE NEED MORE  ERROR-TRAPPING FOR UNEXPECTED   ANSWERS'CAUSE THE DIVERGENT     THINKERS ARE  THE FUTURE'S      INNOVATORS. PLEASE SEND ME A    MINI-MOD FOR   TRAPPING THESE   HONEST NON-MISTAKES WHEN READ-  DATA IS CONTROLLING THE INFO    FLOW. TO J KEALY, 3334 ZION,    B-11, EL PASO, TX,79904."
 9993 RETURN 
 9995 PRINT AT 21,8;"PRESS ANY KEY": PAUSE 0: CLS 
 9997 STOP 
 9998 SAVE "HUMORISQ" LINE 5: PRINT "RE-LOAD ""HR""SCREEN$ ";'"WHEN READY, GOTO 9999": STOP 
 9999 SAVE "HR"SCREEN$